The Debutante

If the person I'm talking about reads this then I guess I would be lucky and unlucky at the same time.

You see, there's this friend of mine who invited me to her debut this Friday (October 30, 2009) but I'm hesitant to go. I've already decided this last July when our conversation led to her birthday. I feel guilty in a way. Let me explain:

I've known this person ever since my freshmen year at Xavier University Highschool and we were pretty close (at least for me). She was like my bestfriend in a way but it was really like, I don't know, I always had to impress her just so she'd like me! I mean, I know that I've had my faults and stuff and she told me that but still...

After years of being apart and finally rekindling the friendship last May we had yet another fight! Argh! We always do and it's exhausting! But we resolved our issues anyway in my birthday.

I'm going to stop beating around the bush and tell you why I'm not (not sure yet) going to her party: I don't feel good about myself when I'm with her or when I'm with our other friends. They have this image of me when I was still at high school and they're not moving on and I have! I mean, the decisions and things I did in the past doesn't make me who I am now or who I am in the future! I hate feeling like the hanger on whenever I'm with her. I feel like an accessory that was put on at the last minute.

Whenever we talk she's like "Oh?" I mean? Can she be at least try to give the idea that I actually changed or matured at least a shot? Can she give me the benefit of the doubt that I actually grew as a person? And by the way, can she respect me for who I am in the first place? All my life I felt useless, stupid, embarassed and all the shitty stuff and I don't need that from her! I don't need shit from other people! Thank you!

Nobody knows how I feel whenever I walk around the campus and then people look and whisper or wait for me to pass then talk bullshit about me, criticize me! Nobody knows how it feels to be judged on a daily basis! She doesn't know that! She never listens intently whenever I talk! Gimme a break woman!

And now she expects me to attend her party in a room full of people who don't know me and easily judge?! WTF! I don't wanna say this here because I don't want people knowing that I HATE MY LIFE! My existence is a curse! Fuck!

Swak Talaga!

I'm so obssesed with these donuts right now!

Short Recap

Officially, the semester has ended!

Don't worry! I'm not gonna use that word that much in this post because when I checked my blog I noticed that I did! Well, everything went not so well! I mean, I might re-take some subjects and uhmm... I don't know! Get shipped off back to Malaysia perhaps?

The thing is, I really tried passing my subjects seriou--- oh alright! I didn't! But this next term I am trying to aim high! Like really! Or not. I'm not so sure myself.

The semester certainly ended with a bang through Renelyn Lastimosa's party! It as super fun and everybody would agree with me! I really am going to miss my block!

First Semester 2009!

The semester hasn't really ended yet but the classes have. This isn't the end though, this is only the beginning. Ugh! I hate that qoute! You nkow, this is only the beginning! It's so pompous and insensitive! Of course things end and new things begin but we can't really say that-- oh whatever! Fine! Let the qoute be!

The thing is, I am really sadenned by this "ending"! Okay, haven't I always been? Well...

The classes ended officially yesterday and I am surely going to miss my blockmates and teachers! It's like in a way, we were already a family and suddenly we're going to be separated! I know that we're still going to see each other in school but its still not the same. You know what I'm sayin'? It's just that... God! Please let me get over this!

Like a Painful Stab in the Heart

I always never liked goodbyes. Okay, who loves it? No one. I'm really an emotional person and that's one thing I hate about me and wish that would go away but unfortunately won't.

It's kind of embarassing to say this but I am sadenned of the semester coming to a close. All the people, the places, the people who'll graduate, everything! I will miss them terribly! I know that next semester is just a week or two away and there's a new beginning but a lot of things has ended or will end this semeseter. Like classmates I haven't befriended yet, teachers I will miss sorely and some classmates going away. Particularly my friend who's shipping off to America(or Canada or Australia) next year. I'm going to miss that friend of mine.

My P.E. class was one of stress relievers and now it has ended. My P.E. groupmates that I really like might not be my groupmates anymore next semester. It just hurts my heart that things just have to end! Argh! Did I mention my Chemistry Lab and NSTP class? Damn! I miss them already!

Here's the thing, even though I hate some of my classmates, I'm still gonna miss them. I hate this feeling! It's so fuckin' emo! Gimme a cure, pronto!

I will always remember what my Biology teacher in highschool said and I qoute "There is nothing constant in this world but change." Bang!