Last July 27 was my birthday and if you thought I had the time of my life you thought wrong because obviously, I didn't. I'm really quite tired of complaining but it has always been like this since I strated my blog so please, let me.
First of all, the money which I was supposed to spend during my birthday is still being sent here in the Philippines so I just had lunch at Chowking. You got that? Lunch at Chowking? What the--? Who eats lunch at Chowking on their birthday? I mean that's just sad! Pitiful! But I had to get over it eventually and now that I'm writing this it got me started on not getting over it again. I knew I should've blogged about something else!
Anyway, no one really greeted me during my birthday except of course some people I know and my family. It really hurt me when some of my friends didn't even remember when we were just hanging out the week before my birthday! The plus side though is that my friend who I was in a fight with greeted me and was telling me sweet things and something else and of course, my sister greeted me which I didn't really expect because I couldn't care less anyway but she did and that made me feel happy.
My birthdays were boring! I didn't have a birthday where I've said that I wouldn't forget it because each of them was not memorable. In a way, it's kind of my fault really. I kind of have these crazy imaginations that some people might actually throw a surprise party for me which hasn't happened ever because, as I've said before, I'm not really a likeable person therefore I don't have many friends. Heck, I don't even have a bestfriend! You know, someone you can really trust and always have your back. The blame is all on me. Blah! Blah! Blah!
Nothing special has ever happened to me ever and it pisses me off! I hate it! Argh! Damn! Man, come on! Why can't I be like other people? You know, friendly, approachable, neutral. Why do I always have to be the person that everyone notices and thinks is a useless, insensitive he-bitch? I'm not saying I'm popular or anything, so let me explain.
You know those people in your class (for example) that are neutral? You know, those people that are just your friends and you haven't really noticed in the first day and don't really have personalities? Their just people who smile, talk, share their problems and stuff, okay, I give up! I can't explain it. One thing is for sure, I'm not one of them. The first time you see me you're gonna think I'm "neutral" but once you've known a little bit about me you're going to conclude "He's the villain!".
Though I keep telling myself to change and be neutral, it just doesn't happen no matter how hard I try! Okay, not very hard but I'm trying! Still! Thats gotta count, right?
Enough said! So much for a blog about my birthday!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
The Sartorialist
Sometimes we go through very tough challenges in life and we always find a way to solve them, to make it through them but sometimes there's just no escaping it, no matter how you deal with it it will never go away, it stays with you forever. That challenge is called CANCER, a virus that will never go away, incurable. Though detected early, it can be dormant but it might come back to haunt you again.
My uncle is suffering with cancer right now and so is his family. His health was fine when we knew about it, everyone from family and relatives panicked and then the help came in. We were there to support him in his chemotherapy and all those things to get rid of cancer. His stomach was getting bigger and bigger by the day and so were the hospital bills. Everything was still okay, the cancer didn't really hit us when recently I visited him in his house and saw him in bed looking like a stick, literally. He was very thin and bald and was just sleeping there in his briefs. I couldn't take seeing him like that so I transfered to another room and took a breather. What was that I saw? I asked myself. Maybe, just maybe, that could be me in the future. I was really hurt and sadennded by his state. Where was my funny and hospitable uncle? I couldn't see him anymore. I remembered those days when he would joke around and when I used to go to his tailoring to get something done.
My cousins, his sons and daughters, told me that sometimes he couldn't recognize anyone anymore. I was crushed. Life is so short and we really have to live it before cancer gets us, before we forget people. I asked them if what next? They answered me that they already accept what is going to happen and life is life, nothing is constant in the world but change, people come and then before you know it, they go. I am preparing myself for what is going to happen to my beloved uncle and I pray to GOD to bless his soul and his family too.
There are no words to describe how we all feel for our sadness about my uncle. Sometimes, you just wish for one thing: to live longer.
My uncle is suffering with cancer right now and so is his family. His health was fine when we knew about it, everyone from family and relatives panicked and then the help came in. We were there to support him in his chemotherapy and all those things to get rid of cancer. His stomach was getting bigger and bigger by the day and so were the hospital bills. Everything was still okay, the cancer didn't really hit us when recently I visited him in his house and saw him in bed looking like a stick, literally. He was very thin and bald and was just sleeping there in his briefs. I couldn't take seeing him like that so I transfered to another room and took a breather. What was that I saw? I asked myself. Maybe, just maybe, that could be me in the future. I was really hurt and sadennded by his state. Where was my funny and hospitable uncle? I couldn't see him anymore. I remembered those days when he would joke around and when I used to go to his tailoring to get something done.
My cousins, his sons and daughters, told me that sometimes he couldn't recognize anyone anymore. I was crushed. Life is so short and we really have to live it before cancer gets us, before we forget people. I asked them if what next? They answered me that they already accept what is going to happen and life is life, nothing is constant in the world but change, people come and then before you know it, they go. I am preparing myself for what is going to happen to my beloved uncle and I pray to GOD to bless his soul and his family too.
There are no words to describe how we all feel for our sadness about my uncle. Sometimes, you just wish for one thing: to live longer.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Firsts and more to come
Yesterday I got an unexpected beer session with my friends in my house. It was really just a spur of the moment thing as I don't really drink. I'm not a beer session virgin as I've been to many before but haven't really drank. Well, I did drink at least 2 shots of beer or some alchoholic beverage. You can call me uptight but I really don't want to be drunk 'coz I'm afraid what I'm going to say. I'm pretty tactless when I'm not drunk, you know, what more in a drunk state.
Anyway, we were drinking and I wasn't really drunk but my head was spinning! I was sleepy and I laughed for no reason(my friends told me), I was gonna pass out when I suddenly started to feel well. I didn't really expect it because I was expecting to vomit any time soon but instead I was okay. If I were a chemistry wiz I could explain why but alas, I'm not. After the beer drinking session my friends and I went to Divisoria to have dinner and I went back home feeling nothing. It was like nothing happened, like I just downed a jug of water that was flavored.
Also yesterday I experienced my first car hitch. It was fun and I really enjoyed riding in a strangers car. Quite adventurous yesterday was.
Anyway, we were drinking and I wasn't really drunk but my head was spinning! I was sleepy and I laughed for no reason(my friends told me), I was gonna pass out when I suddenly started to feel well. I didn't really expect it because I was expecting to vomit any time soon but instead I was okay. If I were a chemistry wiz I could explain why but alas, I'm not. After the beer drinking session my friends and I went to Divisoria to have dinner and I went back home feeling nothing. It was like nothing happened, like I just downed a jug of water that was flavored.
Also yesterday I experienced my first car hitch. It was fun and I really enjoyed riding in a strangers car. Quite adventurous yesterday was.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Realization on an Empty Street
I went to Divisoria this afternoon to buy a DVD boxset of Skins when I noticed that the city was empty. Well, not really empty in a deserted kind of way but the city was very peaceful and I really liked it and then I realized that people don't go out much on a Sunday do they? I mean, there weren't that many vehicles and I was walking not on the sidewalk but on the road sometimes. I loved that I had the chance to really look at what I'm not seeing when the streets are as crowded as New York(not that I've been to New York) and there they were, the invisible buildings, signs, posters, curbs and everything on the street that you fail notice. Its nice to explore the world but its much nicer to discover new things thats just in your own city. It was fun and very new to me. My eyes were delighted... though they would thank me more if I stopped having eye strains due to typing in the dark.
On my way home I remembered what my friend texted me before I left the house. She was sick and I invited her to watch a movie(Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, what else?) when she replied that she was still sick and that she wasted four days at home. I realized that I have been wasting my time too and that I should go and explore new things before I die! I know, its really cheesy but life is too short to just fit in and be cool or aim for high grades! It maybe important to other peole but still, I always wondered what would I feel when I would be 55 years old and haven't got to see Niagra falls yet! The world is so big but my pocket is too small for it! Life is just unfair to poor people isn't it? If you can't go to places then why not do things? Like audition for something, scuba dive or just read a book you're not familiar with!
The important thing is to be happy and live a fulfilled life and to tell stories to your grandchildren. Right? Am I the only one realizing this? Life is an adventure, go explore! Use your imagination! Char!
On my way home I remembered what my friend texted me before I left the house. She was sick and I invited her to watch a movie(Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, what else?) when she replied that she was still sick and that she wasted four days at home. I realized that I have been wasting my time too and that I should go and explore new things before I die! I know, its really cheesy but life is too short to just fit in and be cool or aim for high grades! It maybe important to other peole but still, I always wondered what would I feel when I would be 55 years old and haven't got to see Niagra falls yet! The world is so big but my pocket is too small for it! Life is just unfair to poor people isn't it? If you can't go to places then why not do things? Like audition for something, scuba dive or just read a book you're not familiar with!
The important thing is to be happy and live a fulfilled life and to tell stories to your grandchildren. Right? Am I the only one realizing this? Life is an adventure, go explore! Use your imagination! Char!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
I talk about myself too much don't I?
Recently, I had this classmate who annoys me to death because that CM(classmate) ignores me and treats me like I'm a person who spat on his shoe on the street whenever I talk to that CM. I couldn't help but whine about that CM to my other CMs.
I told my CM that I know for a fact that I'm not a likeable person and thats fine with me because it always has been that way and I'm used to it when my CM said that I was right: Nobody likes me. I was not entirely shocked about that comment(or fact) but I was a liitle hurt and I couldn't help but ask who they were. My CM didn't really want to mention who but I insisted so my CM told me: Eveyone!
Shocker! In a way, I wasn't surprised because in a way I know it was partly my fault. Everyone says that I'm snobby and don't really look friendly and I don't change that about me. I don't know, in some weird way I kind of like it that I'm like that even though I know in my heart that I should smile a little bit and be approachable.
I was mad of the people who didn't like me even though I'm responsible for not being liked in the first place. How could they not? I'm funny, witty and uhmm... I forgot what people say about me. The point is, even though I'm not really the friendliest face in the campus it's not like I'm not trying or anything.
Anyway, remember the CM I was talking about in the first paragraph? Well, that CM and I, with other CMs, had lunch together and surprisingly, with my best efforts, my CM actually talked to me like a real person. Though I wasn't counting on it in any way.
Later that day we were going somewhere to return a thing and that CM who ignored me went with me and other CMs. After returning what I borrowed I ws yapping away in the jeepney about something and I overshared to my CMs that I remembered what my other CM from highschool told me: I overshare too much and that I'm really open.
I realized that I have done the oversharing thing again which I promised my self not to do anymore a few years ago. Damn! It's so hard to change yourself isn't it? Now, I'm fearing that my CMs might share the information I stupidly let out of my mouth to other people. What I said wasn't really a big deal but it was personal, sort of. Is it possible to make my mouth shut for just once?
My CMs and I aren't really that close much but I think I trust them. Here we go again. That's my problem, I trust people too much too easily even though I hardly know them. I think its a good thing but sometimes it leaves me in a bad position. Should I completely change some things about myself for my own sake? Or am I just doing these stuff for approval or acceptance? I don't know the answer to these questions which make it even harder for me to figure it out. The worst thing is that nobody is helping me about it. Everytime I share a problem or personal stuff nobody seems to care. Not even my 'close' friends.
I let it out on my blog sometimes because if I don't I might explode and the world may end. Corny, I know.
I'd love some comments. Please.
I told my CM that I know for a fact that I'm not a likeable person and thats fine with me because it always has been that way and I'm used to it when my CM said that I was right: Nobody likes me. I was not entirely shocked about that comment(or fact) but I was a liitle hurt and I couldn't help but ask who they were. My CM didn't really want to mention who but I insisted so my CM told me: Eveyone!
Shocker! In a way, I wasn't surprised because in a way I know it was partly my fault. Everyone says that I'm snobby and don't really look friendly and I don't change that about me. I don't know, in some weird way I kind of like it that I'm like that even though I know in my heart that I should smile a little bit and be approachable.
I was mad of the people who didn't like me even though I'm responsible for not being liked in the first place. How could they not? I'm funny, witty and uhmm... I forgot what people say about me. The point is, even though I'm not really the friendliest face in the campus it's not like I'm not trying or anything.
Anyway, remember the CM I was talking about in the first paragraph? Well, that CM and I, with other CMs, had lunch together and surprisingly, with my best efforts, my CM actually talked to me like a real person. Though I wasn't counting on it in any way.
Later that day we were going somewhere to return a thing and that CM who ignored me went with me and other CMs. After returning what I borrowed I ws yapping away in the jeepney about something and I overshared to my CMs that I remembered what my other CM from highschool told me: I overshare too much and that I'm really open.
I realized that I have done the oversharing thing again which I promised my self not to do anymore a few years ago. Damn! It's so hard to change yourself isn't it? Now, I'm fearing that my CMs might share the information I stupidly let out of my mouth to other people. What I said wasn't really a big deal but it was personal, sort of. Is it possible to make my mouth shut for just once?
My CMs and I aren't really that close much but I think I trust them. Here we go again. That's my problem, I trust people too much too easily even though I hardly know them. I think its a good thing but sometimes it leaves me in a bad position. Should I completely change some things about myself for my own sake? Or am I just doing these stuff for approval or acceptance? I don't know the answer to these questions which make it even harder for me to figure it out. The worst thing is that nobody is helping me about it. Everytime I share a problem or personal stuff nobody seems to care. Not even my 'close' friends.
I let it out on my blog sometimes because if I don't I might explode and the world may end. Corny, I know.
I'd love some comments. Please.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Carried Away
Last year, the buzz surrounding Sex and the City The Movie was making me curious big time. Everyone was talking about it and the hype made me restless to watch it as well. I haven't really watched Sex and the City but I heard of it from one time. When the DVD was released, I rushed to the store and bought one for myself.
The movie was really girly and pro-feminine and all that and I wondered why I watched this movie. A guy watching SATC is rather odd but I loved the fashion and the setting. The story, I didn't really get it so much till I analyzed hard. I mean, four women in New York talking about men and stuff was a new change and interest for me. Wow! The world is so big after all! I didn't expect that sex was such a normal topic to these women when in the Philippines, talking about it is kind of like a taboo or something.
It became one of my favorite movies. It was smart and intellectual and fabulous. And I love Carrie Bradshaw! She's a writer in New York which is what I have always wanted to become. I want to write articles for newspapers and magazines and have a beautiful life and all that and plenty of money! And live in New York!
Fast forward to July of 2009...
I didn't really want to watch SATC the series as it was too girly and all but I was just really curious so I bought the first three seasons. I can't say that I'm hooked because the story really isn't my thing but I liked it. I'm obsessed with Carrie's working status. Imagine writing a column and that's just that! You party all night and get to do the job you love most!
It's a little tiring to watch these women talk about sex and boys though, but you learn a lot from a womans perspective or from the show itself. It's also fun to watch what they wear and how they pull it off. Not that I intend on wearing their wardrobe or anything! Plus, the New York scene is to die for! I've always wanted to go there ever since.
Carrie is also always typing in her laptop which is what we have in common. She loves to write and so do I! The difference is that she has something to write about and I do not! I mean, I aways have to think about what to write everytime I open my Blogger account!
The truth is I'm not really a good writer, I barely use difficult words and I sound like a dumb blonde(according to my estranged sister). I just want to make people laugh and relate to me. So?
Like Carrie, life may be complicated but it's important to have fun and enjoy the moment. That's something I want to emulate.
The movie was really girly and pro-feminine and all that and I wondered why I watched this movie. A guy watching SATC is rather odd but I loved the fashion and the setting. The story, I didn't really get it so much till I analyzed hard. I mean, four women in New York talking about men and stuff was a new change and interest for me. Wow! The world is so big after all! I didn't expect that sex was such a normal topic to these women when in the Philippines, talking about it is kind of like a taboo or something.
It became one of my favorite movies. It was smart and intellectual and fabulous. And I love Carrie Bradshaw! She's a writer in New York which is what I have always wanted to become. I want to write articles for newspapers and magazines and have a beautiful life and all that and plenty of money! And live in New York!
Fast forward to July of 2009...
I didn't really want to watch SATC the series as it was too girly and all but I was just really curious so I bought the first three seasons. I can't say that I'm hooked because the story really isn't my thing but I liked it. I'm obsessed with Carrie's working status. Imagine writing a column and that's just that! You party all night and get to do the job you love most!
It's a little tiring to watch these women talk about sex and boys though, but you learn a lot from a womans perspective or from the show itself. It's also fun to watch what they wear and how they pull it off. Not that I intend on wearing their wardrobe or anything! Plus, the New York scene is to die for! I've always wanted to go there ever since.
Carrie is also always typing in her laptop which is what we have in common. She loves to write and so do I! The difference is that she has something to write about and I do not! I mean, I aways have to think about what to write everytime I open my Blogger account!
The truth is I'm not really a good writer, I barely use difficult words and I sound like a dumb blonde(according to my estranged sister). I just want to make people laugh and relate to me. So?
Like Carrie, life may be complicated but it's important to have fun and enjoy the moment. That's something I want to emulate.
House Arrest
Very, very bad news: Swine flu has hit Cagayan de Oro!
Good news: Classes are cancelled till July 27!
Because of this Swine flu coming over here to slowly take over the world, everyone was in lithium! Not everyone was happy though, some were whining about not getting an allowance for almost a week and a half! Crazy!
My friends and I were strolling around Divisoria to look for a place where we could have a drink when they took me to a place that was disgusting and embarassing to be seen at! (Note the exclamation point)
They were bugging me for weeks to go hang out in my house but I wouldn't let them because I really don't like strangers in my house but because of that place they took me to I decided to give in and offered my place. I warned them of course. My place is a shit shack! It's so messy it looked like the place was abandoned or something, but they insisted.
Would you just look at my trash? Don't be deceived! All of those garbage are take-outs! I'm depending on fast food now. Sad.
Because of this Swine flu coming over here to slowly take over the world, everyone was in lithium! Not everyone was happy though, some were whining about not getting an allowance for almost a week and a half! Crazy!
My friends and I were strolling around Divisoria to look for a place where we could have a drink when they took me to a place that was disgusting and embarassing to be seen at! (Note the exclamation point)
They were bugging me for weeks to go hang out in my house but I wouldn't let them because I really don't like strangers in my house but because of that place they took me to I decided to give in and offered my place. I warned them of course. My place is a shit shack! It's so messy it looked like the place was abandoned or something, but they insisted.
Would you just look at my trash? Don't be deceived! All of those garbage are take-outs! I'm depending on fast food now. Sad.
Anyway, as we arrived the house they were not completely disgusted about its messiness but instead, they helped me clean out a little bit. God bless those kids! We were just watching Angels and Demons when I accidentally slept in my room. I woke up in like 9am or something and completely panicked! I had visitors last night!
I opened my door and found them on the "sala", sleeping. This was the first time any of my friends slept in my house because I would never invite one or offered so this was a very cool change for me. Not that they're gonna do it more often 'coz I totally would not tolerate that!
We spent the afternoon together watching videos in youtube.com in which I absolutely can't stop singing Nobody by Wondergirls as they showed me the video!
After they left I watched... it's embarassing! But it wasn't porn! Really!
Case on point? Nothing really. I just wanted to share.
I opened my door and found them on the "sala", sleeping. This was the first time any of my friends slept in my house because I would never invite one or offered so this was a very cool change for me. Not that they're gonna do it more often 'coz I totally would not tolerate that!
We spent the afternoon together watching videos in youtube.com in which I absolutely can't stop singing Nobody by Wondergirls as they showed me the video!
After they left I watched... it's embarassing! But it wasn't porn! Really!
Case on point? Nothing really. I just wanted to share.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
My head is not set for an education (Boo Hoo!)
Why am I surfing the internet when I'm supposed to be studying for the premiminary exams tomorrow? Answer: Maybe I don't care. Well, I do care but there's this little voice inside my head that I don't! But I can barely hear that little voice so I'm listening to the louder one "Don't Study!".
I know, I'm acting stupid and irresponsible but I really hate studying and even though I don't understand or recall any of my lessons I'm still hoping to pass with my gut instincts! I mean, how many of you really study? Okaay! A lot of you dear readers do but I don't!
Little Voice: Joule, pag-study na, please!
Uhmm... am I gonna study or not? Maybe browse through the pages? No? How about copying? No! Not an option, or maybe it is! I don't know!
I realized something just recently, I'm not a smart cookie. Some people think I am but the truth is, is that I'm no good at lessons or school related stuff. In fact, I really don't know what I'm good at! Not even at Facebook! This so major catastrophe! What would become of me in my future? Salesman for the grocery store? Cashier? Waiter? Carwash boy? No offense to people who have those jobs but I don't want to end up like them! I wanna wear a suit for my job, thank you!
Light bulb on my head just sparked a light! Idea! Does that mean study? I hope not!
Anyway, looks like I don't have a choice, study it is!
Happy?
I know, I'm acting stupid and irresponsible but I really hate studying and even though I don't understand or recall any of my lessons I'm still hoping to pass with my gut instincts! I mean, how many of you really study? Okaay! A lot of you dear readers do but I don't!
Little Voice: Joule, pag-study na, please!
Uhmm... am I gonna study or not? Maybe browse through the pages? No? How about copying? No! Not an option, or maybe it is! I don't know!
I realized something just recently, I'm not a smart cookie. Some people think I am but the truth is, is that I'm no good at lessons or school related stuff. In fact, I really don't know what I'm good at! Not even at Facebook! This so major catastrophe! What would become of me in my future? Salesman for the grocery store? Cashier? Waiter? Carwash boy? No offense to people who have those jobs but I don't want to end up like them! I wanna wear a suit for my job, thank you!
Light bulb on my head just sparked a light! Idea! Does that mean study? I hope not!
Anyway, looks like I don't have a choice, study it is!
Happy?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
I'm A Leader. Well, Sort of Anyway.
Last week, I was elected as first year representative for my course BS-Developmental Communication, I didn't really know what I was gonna be doing with my position but I ran anyway.
Actually, I didn't really run for the position, I was nominated by friends of mine who, unfortunately, are becoming a leech! More on that later. Anyway, I won (obviously) and I gave this conceited speech about my victory and the crowd went wild (naturally).
My first task was to collect names, numbers, birthdates and e-mail addresses from all first year students in the same course as mine. It turned out to be pretty easy and I also gave an announcement to the whole class which is a pretty big deal for me because I love attention (sometimes).
The second task is a little bit harder though. Organize/create a presentation for the General Assembly which will be held at Manresa this coming Saturday.
My co-representative and I were thinking of millions of stuff on what to present and ended up with a play which she made that I haven't read yet. It's supposed to be a comedy or something. Which is supposed to be funny and make people laugh. I'm not really sure it's gonna make people crack up because not everybody gets english jokes. I mean, they do get it but it's just not as funny as a vernarcular one.
Apparently a band pitched for me to let them play during the General Assembly which I agreed to but I still have to ask permission to the Commitee if they would allow a band. I hope so! Those kids really want to play! I don't want to be their instrument of dissapointment because I already am to all sorts of things.
Now, I'm gonna go crazy thinking about who I'm gonna pick to be in a pageant for the department. Someone tall, good looking and smart. And oh, confident. Me? Just kidding!
I'm gonna attend my first meeting with the committee tomorrow. I hope I break a leg (metaphorically!).
Actually, I didn't really run for the position, I was nominated by friends of mine who, unfortunately, are becoming a leech! More on that later. Anyway, I won (obviously) and I gave this conceited speech about my victory and the crowd went wild (naturally).
My first task was to collect names, numbers, birthdates and e-mail addresses from all first year students in the same course as mine. It turned out to be pretty easy and I also gave an announcement to the whole class which is a pretty big deal for me because I love attention (sometimes).
The second task is a little bit harder though. Organize/create a presentation for the General Assembly which will be held at Manresa this coming Saturday.
My co-representative and I were thinking of millions of stuff on what to present and ended up with a play which she made that I haven't read yet. It's supposed to be a comedy or something. Which is supposed to be funny and make people laugh. I'm not really sure it's gonna make people crack up because not everybody gets english jokes. I mean, they do get it but it's just not as funny as a vernarcular one.
Apparently a band pitched for me to let them play during the General Assembly which I agreed to but I still have to ask permission to the Commitee if they would allow a band. I hope so! Those kids really want to play! I don't want to be their instrument of dissapointment because I already am to all sorts of things.
Now, I'm gonna go crazy thinking about who I'm gonna pick to be in a pageant for the department. Someone tall, good looking and smart. And oh, confident. Me? Just kidding!
I'm gonna attend my first meeting with the committee tomorrow. I hope I break a leg (metaphorically!).
Guess What
Something has been bothering me all day because it just wont get out of my head no matter how I try to distract myself from thinking it! It's starting to take over me! I'm exaggerating a little bit of course but it just won't go!
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