People always say that I have high standards when the truth is I just want everything to be perfect! A life of perfection is hardwork and I can evaluate myself as not trying too hard to achieve perfection but still, I want everything to be perfect! Who doesn't want perfect?
In a way, most people would say, I am a perfectionist who has high standards and all of that antagonist stuff! Okay, I admit that I am an antagonist. For everyone! The perfect example would be my sister. For her, for everyone, I am an antagonist in her life. I AM NOT.
I am being an older brother who cares for his sister and has her good intentions but people don't see that! People see that I am a control freak and the mean one.
I am not really speaking to my sister right now ( I don't know if she noticed) because I, as cruel for me to say this, hate her for now. Let me explain.
All her life I have been there for her. I am not just her brother, in a way I am her parent. I took care of her ever since we were young as my parents were not here most of our lives working abroad. Woah! Wait a minute! Hold that thought! I don't hate my parents for not being with us because I truly understand their sacrifice! Back to my prodigal sister, I may not have always been the older brother because sometimes I'm more immature but heck I have been THERE every step of the way! And what has she given me in return? NOTHING!
I love my sister unconditionally but she really is hard headed and, ahem, has poor taste. I have taught her everything, her studies, life and, ummm... life! Whenever she needed help, I would be there trying my best. When I was the one in need, she would just not care! Okay she would but she wouldn't try to help. It's always been about her!
I can enumerate everything she has done, the decisions she made, everything! But I don't wash my dirty linen in public! I may be doing it now but it's just the minor stains. Bleh! The reason why I'm not talking to her is that she has a boyfriend who is just... wrong! I mean, he's ugly, he dresses like a porter, he's from CU (I'm not judging the school), he has no CLASS! And that's just not my opinion! How dare she embarass me like this? How dare she embarass me my whole life! SHE is an embarassment to our family! Gosh! It's like a Monaco Monarchy feud in here! I'm Caroline, she's Stephanie!
We had an encounter this night when we caught the same jeepney. I was with friends and she was with her *BLEEP* boyfriend! I said one word that was insulting and I'm not sorry for it! The guy was shocked that I said it, probably even mad! My sister was mad that's for sure! And who cares?
Gosh! How people in your life who you expect to be at least not embarass you do the exact opposite! Even more!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
The Battlefield
Shouting. Pushing. Sweating. Anger.
That's not even the fwords that can describe the crazy chaos of the enrollment at XU! It was crazy! I would know because I joined the queue! it was like lining up to see Michael Jacksons corpse on the flesh! A decomposing flesh, that is. You had to be there to really experience how the system sucked!
Thank God for giving me 'determination' that time! I mean, if I wasn't a patient person I would've enrolled this Friday. But no. I decided that being late isn't fashionable! Even though I was near death (you know what I mean!) I still pushed my limits to get to my end point: being an XU student again! Woo-hoo!
But before I became an official Atenean I had to swim through a sea of other determined enrollees, suffer from the heat of the sun and battling(patiently) the annoying volunteers! But it was a war that ended well. Whew!
I watch my friends and other people who rush on the grounds of the battlefield and I chuckle a little. Been there, my friend, done that! Then there are those who relax on concrete benches thinking that tomorrow there'll be less people to fight with. Lazy asses! Get up and work!
Then there's my annoying sister who is lazy herself, won't go through the enrollment process yet as she has to wait for her friends to finish their scholarship stuff! I keep telling her to just go on with it but she won't hear a word! Girls and their commitment to each other!
Next school year, I am hoping for a better system. Cheers!
That's not even the fwords that can describe the crazy chaos of the enrollment at XU! It was crazy! I would know because I joined the queue! it was like lining up to see Michael Jacksons corpse on the flesh! A decomposing flesh, that is. You had to be there to really experience how the system sucked!
Thank God for giving me 'determination' that time! I mean, if I wasn't a patient person I would've enrolled this Friday. But no. I decided that being late isn't fashionable! Even though I was near death (you know what I mean!) I still pushed my limits to get to my end point: being an XU student again! Woo-hoo!
But before I became an official Atenean I had to swim through a sea of other determined enrollees, suffer from the heat of the sun and battling(patiently) the annoying volunteers! But it was a war that ended well. Whew!
I watch my friends and other people who rush on the grounds of the battlefield and I chuckle a little. Been there, my friend, done that! Then there are those who relax on concrete benches thinking that tomorrow there'll be less people to fight with. Lazy asses! Get up and work!
Then there's my annoying sister who is lazy herself, won't go through the enrollment process yet as she has to wait for her friends to finish their scholarship stuff! I keep telling her to just go on with it but she won't hear a word! Girls and their commitment to each other!
Next school year, I am hoping for a better system. Cheers!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Images from the Hill
Call me vain all you want but I'm not! People, please! I'm not!
Shorod Tsunoda and Kisha Bustamante Manla. Our friends who met us up.
Belated All Souls!
Pics of my sis and me on our tent at Greenhills.
Shorod Tsunoda and Kisha Bustamante Manla. Our friends who met us up.
Belated All Souls!
Prisoner of My Own Sanctuary
My sembreak out of town (and country) turned out to be the exact opposite--I was on house lockdown for days and the worst part is that my sister decided to spend her vacation with me! Just kidding! In fact, it kind of saved me from total boredom and spending the little amount of money left with me!
While my sister watched Gossip Girl religiously, I surfed the internet which is a very semestral brek thing to do because I should've been enjoying my life outside the comforts of my home! God must be punishing me! And what about my addiction to McDonalds? Damn! I'm really not getting over the burger and coke float combo! I really, really love it!
Anyway, I spent a sleepless night with my sis, relatives and a new friend, Shorod Tsunoda, at Greenhills Memorial Park for, uhmmm, duh? All Souls Day! I really enjoyed it because I met a new friend who was really easy to be with and ate Lechon! Woo-hoo! My aunt makes the meanes meanest Tapioca! Yum!
When the morning came, I went home, checked my Facebook account then hit the snooze button! Which is what I'm gonna do now.
While my sister watched Gossip Girl religiously, I surfed the internet which is a very semestral brek thing to do because I should've been enjoying my life outside the comforts of my home! God must be punishing me! And what about my addiction to McDonalds? Damn! I'm really not getting over the burger and coke float combo! I really, really love it!
Anyway, I spent a sleepless night with my sis, relatives and a new friend, Shorod Tsunoda, at Greenhills Memorial Park for, uhmmm, duh? All Souls Day! I really enjoyed it because I met a new friend who was really easy to be with and ate Lechon! Woo-hoo! My aunt makes the meanes meanest Tapioca! Yum!
When the morning came, I went home, checked my Facebook account then hit the snooze button! Which is what I'm gonna do now.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The Debutante
If the person I'm talking about reads this then I guess I would be lucky and unlucky at the same time.
You see, there's this friend of mine who invited me to her debut this Friday (October 30, 2009) but I'm hesitant to go. I've already decided this last July when our conversation led to her birthday. I feel guilty in a way. Let me explain:
I've known this person ever since my freshmen year at Xavier University Highschool and we were pretty close (at least for me). She was like my bestfriend in a way but it was really like, I don't know, I always had to impress her just so she'd like me! I mean, I know that I've had my faults and stuff and she told me that but still...
After years of being apart and finally rekindling the friendship last May we had yet another fight! Argh! We always do and it's exhausting! But we resolved our issues anyway in my birthday.
I'm going to stop beating around the bush and tell you why I'm not (not sure yet) going to her party: I don't feel good about myself when I'm with her or when I'm with our other friends. They have this image of me when I was still at high school and they're not moving on and I have! I mean, the decisions and things I did in the past doesn't make me who I am now or who I am in the future! I hate feeling like the hanger on whenever I'm with her. I feel like an accessory that was put on at the last minute.
Whenever we talk she's like "Oh?" I mean? Can she be at least try to give the idea that I actually changed or matured at least a shot? Can she give me the benefit of the doubt that I actually grew as a person? And by the way, can she respect me for who I am in the first place? All my life I felt useless, stupid, embarassed and all the shitty stuff and I don't need that from her! I don't need shit from other people! Thank you!
Nobody knows how I feel whenever I walk around the campus and then people look and whisper or wait for me to pass then talk bullshit about me, criticize me! Nobody knows how it feels to be judged on a daily basis! She doesn't know that! She never listens intently whenever I talk! Gimme a break woman!
And now she expects me to attend her party in a room full of people who don't know me and easily judge?! WTF! I don't wanna say this here because I don't want people knowing that I HATE MY LIFE! My existence is a curse! Fuck!
You see, there's this friend of mine who invited me to her debut this Friday (October 30, 2009) but I'm hesitant to go. I've already decided this last July when our conversation led to her birthday. I feel guilty in a way. Let me explain:
I've known this person ever since my freshmen year at Xavier University Highschool and we were pretty close (at least for me). She was like my bestfriend in a way but it was really like, I don't know, I always had to impress her just so she'd like me! I mean, I know that I've had my faults and stuff and she told me that but still...
After years of being apart and finally rekindling the friendship last May we had yet another fight! Argh! We always do and it's exhausting! But we resolved our issues anyway in my birthday.
I'm going to stop beating around the bush and tell you why I'm not (not sure yet) going to her party: I don't feel good about myself when I'm with her or when I'm with our other friends. They have this image of me when I was still at high school and they're not moving on and I have! I mean, the decisions and things I did in the past doesn't make me who I am now or who I am in the future! I hate feeling like the hanger on whenever I'm with her. I feel like an accessory that was put on at the last minute.
Whenever we talk she's like "Oh?" I mean? Can she be at least try to give the idea that I actually changed or matured at least a shot? Can she give me the benefit of the doubt that I actually grew as a person? And by the way, can she respect me for who I am in the first place? All my life I felt useless, stupid, embarassed and all the shitty stuff and I don't need that from her! I don't need shit from other people! Thank you!
Nobody knows how I feel whenever I walk around the campus and then people look and whisper or wait for me to pass then talk bullshit about me, criticize me! Nobody knows how it feels to be judged on a daily basis! She doesn't know that! She never listens intently whenever I talk! Gimme a break woman!
And now she expects me to attend her party in a room full of people who don't know me and easily judge?! WTF! I don't wanna say this here because I don't want people knowing that I HATE MY LIFE! My existence is a curse! Fuck!
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