A Journ For DevJourn

My English 17 Speech:


Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen!

I stumbled upon something that made me happy recently. It was as if the thing I saw never existed for quite sometime now for being forgotten and neglected in a shelf. The dust motes were thick and looked sad with age as I blew them to go away and see the clear ‘picture’. My heart jumped and my emotions took a detour. What started was a happy feeling turned into utter sadness as I recall the day of how the photograph was taken. It was as if someone turned the music on in my ears as the sound of that day emerged back into life followed by the familiar scent of the sand and sea then the it’s warm feeling when you touch them, the heat that made my eyes squint through the rest of the experience and especially, the feeling of the moment. I sighed with sheer desperation on a thought, ‘What if’.

What if I could go back to that moment? What if thing were the same as they used to be? What if things never had to change? …

A moment that was filled of ‘what ifs’ ate my time when I suddenly realized that sometimes, to be THAT happy in a picture is better left that way than to reminisce past hurts and wrong decisions. My, how a photograph can make or break your day. A single shot can capture a brief moment of emotion that was either real or fake. A photograph can stir feelings and bring back thoughts that have been forgotten or neglected to take notice of. Sometimes, it can also make us ask why this certain snap came back and we come to a conclusion that it did for a reason. Maybe the picture was meant to come back to make us realize about things that we have forgotten. To remind us of who we were or we are. To make us know how much we moved on and matured as a person. About knowing how much time can be so important and realize why some people consider it golden. Maybe to make us smile when were so busy to even do so.

Recapturing those faces in that picture seems hard and almost impossible. No wait, not impossible, just difficult. But isn’t that really the point of pictures? To capture the moment in a rectangular box and sealing its identity? Some of you might agree or disagree but that is the essence I think. There are those people who come into our lives who bring joy or sadness regardless of them staying there temporarily or forever. What’s important is the lessons we learned from them and the times we shared with them, of course, captured in a lens with sometimes crappy lighting.

Now grab a camera, smile and strike a pose my friends.

Synthesis Paper(To be passed tommorow!)

My FFP synthesis paper:

I.

I haven’t heard of FFP during the first semester actually. I just knew that the following semester I would be needing a white book with a flame print on it. I really didn’t care about the subject so much even though I was already attending the classes. To tell you the truth, I thought that FFP would be the simplest subject in my load but as it turns out, it proved to be quite stressful. Not bad stressful but good stressful, okay, maybe sometimes bad stressful. I learned a lot of values from this subject especially about myself and God. I’m sure that my journey in this subject is one to be remembered… forever.

II.

The first module seems to be more focused on the academic side so I learned various things about my life as a student. Competitiveness, leadership, cooperation, punctuality, responsibility, diligence, consideration and more especially about those two famous words an Atenean would know, Cura Personalis, which means caring for the other person. Truth of the matter is, I could care less about other people until came across those sacred words. Well, I’m not gonna lie, I don’t care for others entirely but I consider their feelings and the situation.The module also taught me about handling stress which was very helpful because I get stressed all time not just on school work but also with my personal life. Most importantly, the value of leadership. I was chosen as the leader of my group but sometimes I can’t help to neglect my responsibilities due to laziness but I overcome my tired state and perform the best that I could.

III.

The most significant learning in Module 2 would be the very inspiring man that goes by the name of John Foppe, a man disabled since birth but despite the lack of arms lived a very happy life share with a loving, caring and supporting family and understanding and true friends who according to Mr. Foppe “not laugh at him, laugh with him”. After the film showing of this unsung hero of the lost souls I began reflecting on things that I neglected and disregarded nor care as a human being with complete physical parts and through that self realization I came to a conclusion that I have not maximized my stay on Earth doing silly things and not doing things that make me happy like Mr. Foppe. I also realized that I took my physical completeness for granted. It made me think of rerouting my life to a good direction, one that makes me happy, fulfilled and contented, though it’s hard to be contented.

IV.

There’re so much “Ignatian” in the following modules that you can already start a guessing game on how many times it appeared! I’m just kidding. On the remaining modules, both talk about different things that all lead in one direction, point, meaning and that is being a good person for God. Don’t they? Shouldn’t we? What’s important is the humility in us, the Cura Personalis, the change we want to see, all the Ignatian values and spirituality that we should apply in us not just for us but for other people which is the main point anyway, caring for others. Then again, there’s leadership and the importance of participation and obedience. Last but not the least, Magis. I know, this word is overly popular. Magis here, Magis there, Magis everywhere. But that’s what it’s for, to do our best in any given task or challenge.

V.

It saddens me to write the conclusion of this synthesis paper because as I was typing part IV, everything about FFP came back, the class discussions, activities, my classmates, my formator and waking up early in the morning. I can’t believe that I made it and now that I’m getting used to it, it had to end. Yet we all have to move on and continue the lessons that this subject has taught us. Although Ma’am Reine forbids us to use this line but… therefore I conclude, my FFP experience will never end just because the subject has, it will continue till I live my life in a true Atenean fashion with Ignatian values. God bless!

Love(?) Rant

As the semester is slowly coming to a close I become more and more impatient of making a connection with someone. I don't really want to call it CRUSH because in some way I'm making a big deal out of it when the fact of the matter is that I'm not. Okay, you're gonna say that I am making a big deal about it by blogging about it but another fact is that I'm bored and that I'm really desperate. I don't know. It's just that March is here and the PERSON is already graduating anfd there's no more time. I would never make moves of some sort because in some weird way I'm happy being with myself and being left alone sometimes. Damn it. Gosh! So desperate. God, please help.

Joulo's Body

For my entire life I have always been literally a stick. I kept complaining of course. There wasn't a day that I didn't and not one of those days have I ever liked my body. I admit that being thin can sometimes be easy because I could fit in small spaces or I stand out but it's really hard. You know, like when there are games and your group mates don't trust you 'coz they assume my energy will be used up for a couple of minutes. I have not been teased to losing my confidence about my size and shape but sometimes there is that somebody who might taunt me.

For years I have planned on gaining weight that led me to bingeing and taking supplements but alas, none of those worked until my cousin who's as thin as I am went to the gym with his hottie girlfriend for three months and stopped. Like an unexpected happy ending, he ballooned and that turned on the green light for me: I am going to the gym! The question really was when because I didn't have the time and the confidence to tell my parents about it.

I admit that I am a conceited person but I am not a liar. There have been a lot of instances when people would compliment me about my face then complain about my figure. Damn. It didn't really hurt me but it was still better if I was complimented without a disclaimer.

Finally, I urged my Mom to enroll me to a gym and I opened up about my weight. Being the penny pincher that my mom is, she told me to eat up but I was quick to defend my physical state and then she finally surrendered and took me to a gym.

When we were inside the gym I was kind of embarrased because the trainor had a good body. He told me that I was a healthy boy and that I was just thin which I absolutely agree with. In a way, I was inspired by the images in my mind when I looked in the mirror. This was it. I was finally doing it. Now na!

First day didn't turn quite what I expected it to be because after the treadmill my trainor asked if I had breakfast and I said in a nervous tone "No." I know! That was so stupid! I'm so stupid! How could I not have taken breakfast when I was going to the gym and use up energy? Ugh! I felt really embarassed as the whole gym including the members chorused that I should've eaten breakfast! My mom butted in the picture too! Great-o!

I went back the day after with breakfast in my tummy ready to be burned and did the usual warm-ups and lifts and whateva! I felt good. Really good. In fact, even though I just started I already feel confident and hot! Okay, not true about the latter but I do feel healthy and energized!

I hope that my time in the gym would be a wonderful experience and that I do gain weight. Here's to hoping!

"TSADA"

I really feel sad because someone is going away and I'm never going to see that person for a long time. Maybe. It's just that, what if I never joined? What if I never made an immediate decision? What if I considered my absences to a particular subject? What if that person never thought up to make IT? What if that person was sleeping instead of typing on the computer so early in the morning? What if I never CARED?

So many what if's. So many questions. So little time. Time is an enemy. March 27 is fast approaching. It's now or never. I choose never. It's silly and stupid. It's so childish. Ugh! Why? Why can't I get over it? Why am I always cheerful whenever... Why do I always shun... Why do I think about it and then later refuse to acknowledge it?

I'm tired of this secret roller coaster. I'm done frontin'. I have to forget and move on. Damn! I feel like bursting out!

The Social Ladder

I posted this on my Facebook account and I feel like I have some explaining to do even though it sounds dead defensive, immature and insecure.

I'm only stooping to this level because I actually care about what other people say about me even though it isn't really healthy. Okay, just to be clear, nobody in my entire life has ever called me a SOCIAL CLIMBER and I haven't even heard of gossips about me being 'that'. I'm affected in a way because the only person who calls me a social climber(so much for nobody calling me one!) is my sister and she means that. If ever there's a person who knows the real me it would be my sister but she's not always right and she knows that. I sometimes prove her wrong.

Here goes, I'm terrified to be called a social mountaineer because I know a lot of people who are one and you wouldn't even believe how much time other people allot on backbiting those kind of people! I'm gonna admit that I'm actually one of them though not that harsh and judgemental but still, it's no excuse for backbiting others.

My "FRIEND" was the first one to tell me straight to my face. Maybe not tell me but implied it. Just to be clear, I am not sure that 'friend' really did imply that because I'm such a paranoid stick and people always tell me to get over it and people do not think that of me but I can't help it!

Forgive me for being so MAARTE sometimes. Little things like not wanting to use the internet cafe because it's germ infested, not placing dining utensils the proper way, manners, etc. I'm sorry. They call me a perfectionist but it isn't true because I'm not that organized or hygienic or whatever! Not those OC kind of people. In a way I am though but not fully. Blah!

I really don't know what made my 'friend' saw what I didn't. Was it because I was maarte? Because I had 'stuff'? Though not designer but more expensive than my friends'? I'm not the type of person who counts material things as a way to up my social status nor befriending rich people. And for that matter I don't have rich friends!

To be honest, some of my classmates are intimidated by me and my circle of friends because we are what they would call SOSYAL. I despise that word. Why? Because I always believed and instilled what my mother taught me, she said " Joule, you should always be simple and live simply. We may not have everything we desire but at least we're able to feed our stomachs and send you to school." How inspiring. Because of her I never look at people lowly and I treat them equally.

That is why I am not the SOSYAL type and never will be and I don't think I deserve to be a social climber either.

Have you evaluated your social self yet?

Songco. Lantapan. Talaandig. Bukidnon. Immersion.

This would be my first immersion and I wasn’t really excited because the word immersion doesn’t really arouse excitement and after learning the details on what an immersion was I got even more unexcited. But still, I considered on going for the “experience”.

FRIDAY

• I was thinking of taking the alternative for the immersion ‘coz I was really worried about hygiene and the trip.
• 9:00PM My classmates and I met up and ate our dinner at Jollibee then proceeded to Dhang Buquir’s pad and spent the night chatting which eventually ended up videoke-ing at WAT EVER which resulted to a sleepless night.

SATURDAY

• Still singing at WAT EVER and went back to Dhang’s pad, took a shower and then a nap then prepared to go to school.
• Brought breakfast at Jollibee which was a little spoiled since I ate it on the bus.
• I was assigned to Group 4 and got a little disappointed that I wasn’t appointed the leader and that the one appointed was a guy from Block C which I didn’t really like that much.
• The trip began and the seat beside the window with the faulty lock wasn’t really that comfortable. It was cold and I was shivering but totally worth it because the view was spectacular. I have seen mountains and trees before but I really enjoyed it for the first time despite napping for a few minutes.
• I really had to use the comfort room but I didn’t have the confidence to tell the driver to take a pit stop because didn’t want to cause the delay and was thinking about Cura Personalis.
• The bus arrived around 10:00AM and I quickly told Ma’am Trell that I had to release the suffering that I was going through. Thank God that we left the bus immediately and success! But before going to the comfort room I asked for directions to Bai which was my first communication to the people of the tribe which were also known as ‘Anak Ng Tribu’.
• The orientation began with the usual(and important) introduction of the important people of the tribe but the Datu was unfortunately absent due to tribal affairs.
• There were a lot of rules and some of them were ridiculous! Don’t get me wrong, I respect the rules but maybe I was just shocked because I’m from the city. Uhmm… yeah. After the somewhat scary orientation we were given small little pieces of what seemed to be a leaf and a small bit from a stem. The taste was awfully bitter and to make matters even worst: it got stuck on my throat. Water, pronto!
• I was one of the first people to board the boys’ bunk and was relieved to see a cushion mattress, not-so-warm blanket and a crinkly pillow. I made myself comfortable and took a short visit to the girls’ place which was located at the Hall of Peace. When I came back to my bed I found a lot of people inside my room(Group 4 room) who were loud and insensitive! Block C boys! No surprise there!
• Lunch, which was more like dinner, was served. I forgot to bring dishwashing paste that made my plate, spoon, fork and cup sort of disgusting but we were on the mountains and we’re supposed to sacrifice and live simply so whatever. Improperly washed dining utensils was the ‘it’ thing.
• After dinner came the group sharing where there was nothing that much to share about but it bonded the group and I found out that Lori Janubas, the Group 4 leader, was actually nice and responsible. I was really quiet because I’m the shy type but my Block A classmates kept nudging me to share and so I did and I felt that the wall between me and my group mates was broken. A little.
• Sleeping time and a talk with my roommate Rexie Neri.

SUNDAY

· Woke up early and was agonizing on the cold weather. It was really cold that I almost couldn’t stand it but I did anyway and took an early morning shower at the Hall of Peace.

· After shower was breakfast then the group gathered again to discuss rules and were assigned to which family we were gonna spend the day with.

· My group which was composed of Rexie Neri, Michellaine Ong, Christine Olalo, Sheena Mediante and Issa Toledo were sent to Datu Amay Crispin Saway’s family. They were really simple and I was not really feeling the vibe between us but as we got to know each other, it was easier to communicate and they instantly became a family and us to them.

· We were guided to the ‘garden’ by Datu Amay Crispin Saway’s son Mayumba which we teased Christin Olalo with as they looked cute together because both of them had pale skin.

· We were taught the art of ‘bagging’ which is a term for pressing the earth rolled on to a small leaf with a small thick stick and dropping tiny pieces of Chinese cabbage seed. If you thought that was easy then I hate you. Nah, just kidding. But it was really such a pain in the neck because you had to be really careful and precise and had to stay under the hot sun. I was sweating like a cold bottle of water but I remained concentrating and had fun.

· We took a lunch break and went back to Datu Amay Crispin Saway’s humble abode which he and his family calls their temporary home. Rexie Neri, Michellaine Ong and Issa Toledo prepared lunch and then we ate with the family together. They were really hospitable and they kept apologizing for their small unfinished temporary home which we kept responding “Okay ran a Amay ug Inay uy”. Their family was having fun and we met their other children who were Ate Iday, Eng-Eng and Lang-Lang.

· After dinner we went back to the garden to continue bagging and then took a dip at the ’sapa’. After that we went back home and enjoyed the ‘bulanghoy’ they prepared for us.

· 3:00PM We went back to the peace hall, took a shower and then listened to the Datu who just arrived from Davao for a talk. Sitting on the hard wood floor was painful on the back and butt but I entertained myself watching my classmates kill gigantic mosquitoes. I’m so sorry but the talk was boring and it made me sleepy. The Datu inspired me in his story about defending what he believes in when he was at forums abroad. This is a man who stands up for his beliefs. Bow.

· Picture taking ensued after the Datu’s talk and then dinner and the fun begins.

· Ma’am Trell said that we got lucky because it was full moon and the tribe celebrated that to thank and ask for prayers. The drums beating was making people dance and so everyone did including me. I’m not one to shy away from dances! I was playing the instruments as well except maybe three more which were like the major instruments. I didn’t want to ruin the party.

· The party was over by 11:00PM but I stayed with my group mates to plan what we were going to serve for tomorrow which was our schedule. I then had a lengthy chat with Rexie Neri again about life and about our friend Ethel Callo and Alfie Barba.

MONDAY

· I woke up way earlier than the scheduled time to cook and prepare breakfast for everyone. The temperature was killing me but I thought only of a nice breakfast and serving it well. I opened cans of beef loaf and helped Nene Obs fry. The presentation was really nice and the food was enjoyed and finished. Everything was perfect when somebody asked for extra rice and the rest followed. Problem was, there was no rice left. So…

· After the very enjoyed breakfast, the team gathered at the Hall of Peace for another team evaluation and sharing. Then a photo shoot with the whole team and off to the assigned family.

· My group and I were assigned to another family which I was really disappointed about because they were another farming family instead of an arts family. I complained but it fell on deaf ears. Good job.

· This family, the Llenes’, were very awkward. They already served lunch before us and so we ate and helped with the corn they were, I don’t really know how you call taking the seeds off the body of the corn. We then went to the crop site with Amay and took the leaves that would hinder the growth of the fruit or so we were told. Fortunately, Amay was really talkative and the conversation went really smoothly. A quick trip back to the sapa and then a long walk back to Amay’s house which became a little interesting when we someone who was part of the immersion(a student, obviously) tucking a Tanduay bottle inside his pants.

· We took a sip of the delicious aromatic cup of coffee homemade by Inay from their own organically grown crops.

· Fast forward to what happened about two hours later: everyone was busy practicing their dances for the variety show.

· Variety Show: Very fun and kind of tiring! We were standing the whole time my knees were aching and my skin was feeling sticky because of the dust. It didn’t rain like when we arrived.

TUESDAY

· After the very long variety show, I went with my friends Renelyn Lastimosa, Allyn Maasin, Volco Magbanua, Dhang Buquir and Ronald Valdehueza to their host family’s home and sipped coffee. I was a little bit jealous of their closeness but it made me realize that I was being myself on the immersion the whole time which was a proud snob person and I’m trying to change that and live ‘simply’.

· Everyone was planning on not sleeping but in the end everybody did anyway. I couldn’t really sleep because of the racket that Block C was making on the room especially Benedict Wasil who was drunk. I listened to their conversation which isn’t a bad thing since their voices were loud enough for the whole tribe to hear and I thought it was interesting when suddenly I went to sleep.

· Just when I was on dreamland came a thud on the wall that woke me up. Everyone was getting ready so I woke up my roommates and packed all my things and cleaned up.

· One last gathering on the Hall of Peace and tearful goodbyes was recalled on the trip back to home, Cagayan De Oro City.

I realized a lot of things through the immersion despite the short time I have spent there. I would be lying if I wanted to live ‘that’ simply because I don’t want a life like those of Talaandig have because I really am a city child. Not that I don’t appreciate and that I don’t bow down to their resistance to the cold but I love the city lights, the noise of the streets and the joy of seeing shopping malls. I admire the tribe for keeping their tradition alive and even giving Carlou Odchigue a birthday he will never forget. There are those people who are simple and contented while some are luxurious and ambitious but we exist as one. One city, one country, diverse cultures. The important thing is to respect one another and live a life of peace.

I capture thoughts and emotions. I am DEVCOM.